Desires, desires (part 1)

I wish I could be a good man
I tryed and fought hard for that.
However, good I cannot be,
because a monster, that's what I am.

I wanted to serve you, Athena,
but I failed as a servant of yours,
even though was the only one
still thinking about serving you.

I thought my strenght would be enough,
my dreams would never end
my will would be infinite.

But it turned out that I'm not yours as I wished to be.
I can't even remember,
the feeling, the smell, the plans.

Nothing turned out to be as I believed.
The good is not the good.
The bad is not the bad.
And all the answers are lies.

And you pose like as if never have existed.
Where are you? I need you.
I need to know.

The beautiful smile,
the heat on the heart,
the caress on the head.
Never was.

And all the fire consumed after burning,
remaining nothing but ashes.

I try to look trough the looking glass,
but see nothing beside me and my scars
consumed by time,
kick by life.

Silly dreams and horror toughts.
Everything destroyed by one simple question.
The most horrific question you ever asked me.
That changes everything.
That turned me a monster.
Just one question I couldn't answer,
and nobody else could,
and everything was changed.

Nothing else matters...
Because I didn't know to answer...
why this world should be saved?

This lead to everything else:
why this world deserves be saved?
why this world deserves anyone sacrifice in order to save it?
why would I sacrifice my-self for it?

And the terrible finding was... it doesn't.
And then everything lost its meaning.
And all the battles, all the pain, everything began to hurt strongly.

Because they do not deserve.
And because they will bite you hand since you are not caressing anymore.
Because no one will ever care if they hurt you or don't.

And everyone that gives love, and sacrifices one-self, and fight for the people
are nothing but fool.